One Day at a Time vs. Surviving One More Day
Article #13
Betrayal Has Already Taken Enough from You. Don’t Let It Steal Today Too.
“Just take it one day at a time.”
If you’ve experienced betrayal, you’ve probably heard those words more than once. I’m guessing you’ve even said it to yourself more than once.
And honestly?
Sometimes it’s exactly what you need to hear.
When your world has been turned upside down, you don’t have to plan out the next five years, even if you wish you could. You don’t need to decide right now if your marriage will make it. You might really want the pain to end today, but you don’t have to know exactly what healing will look like. Still, even though you struggle with not knowing what is going on or what will happen next…it’s easy to get caught up in all the details and thoughts about your betrayal, the past, and the future.
Sometimes the wisest thing you can do is just focus on today. I know that’s easier said than done.
There are actually two very different ways we can live one day at a time.
One is a posture of wisdom…the other is a posture of survival.
At first glance, they sound almost identical.
They’re not.
One Day at a Time Is a Posture of Wisdom
When Jesus said,
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” —Matthew 6:34
He wasn’t telling us to ignore tomorrow…He was inviting us to trust Him with it.
Taking life one day at a time is an intentional choice. It’s choosing to be fully present today instead of carrying tomorrow’s burdens before they arrive. It doesn’t rush decisions before you’re ready. It doesn’t demand control or immediate certainty.
Betrayal is often a “season” when we genuinely don’t have enough information to make life-changing decisions. We may still be gathering facts, waiting to see whether repentance is genuine, or simply needing time for the initial shock to settle.
Waiting, being patient, or putting off a decision can sometimes feel like procrastination caused by fear or a lack of confidence. But sometimes, it’s actually wise.
Taking life one day at a time says,
“Lord, show me my next trusting step today.”
There is peace in that posture. There is self-control. There is hope.
There is an expectation that God will continue leading us as we walk with Him.
Every trusting step is an act of faith. Often God asks us to take a step before we can see where it will lead; this is faith—it is choosing to trust…HIM. As we continue choosing those trusting steps, our confidence grows. We begin letting go of trying to control, predict, or manipulate outcomes we were never meant to carry, and instead learn to rest in God's promises…one step at a time.
Surviving One More Day Is Different
Then there is another place. Survival.
It’s a place many women don’t even realize they’ve entered. Most of us don’t choose survival; we end up there out of self-preservation and often don’t notice until later. Sometimes it happens quickly, and sometimes it takes a while.
A broken promise. Disappointing conversations. One more disclosure. A slew of unanswered questions. Unpredictable days full of awful surprises or fights. Lonely evenings crying yourself to sleep that only God sees. Another exhausting month.
Little by little, our expectations shrink. We settle into disappointment, loneliness, hurt, and pain, and these feelings start to define our lives.
We stop expecting honesty.
We stop expecting emotional connection.
We stop expecting peace.
Sometimes we even stop expecting joy.
Without realizing it, we've begun expecting survival instead of life.
Instead of asking, “Is this healthy?… we begin asking, “Can I make it through one more day?”
That shift is easy to miss because it happens slowly over time.
Survival doesn’t usually announce itself, but it can quietly become your norm.
What Survival Quietly Steals
Betrayal doesn’t just affect your past; it robs you of future dreams. That has a way of stealing today. Without realizing it, you can lose your personality, spark, creativity, passions, health, humor, and joy. You lose hope.
I’ve watched this happen in countless women over the years, and I’ve seen it in my own life too.
Our minds become consumed with what happened yesterday and what might happen tomorrow.
Without realizing it, many of us begin allowing our husbands' choices to determine whether today will be a good day.
We wonder if we’ve finally heard the whole truth. We keep searching for the one answer that will finally make everything make sense. We watch our husbands closely.
-Is he growing?
-Is he pursuing me?
-Does he finally understand my pain?
-Will this be the week he follows through?
When your emotional world starts revolving around someone else’s choices…
That’s exhausting.
Please don’t get me wrong…
Those things matter. Truth, growth, understanding, answers, and discernment…all matter.
But when these things take up all our attention, betrayal quietly steals today from us too. It takes away our life in a real way.
Don’t Let Betrayal Steal Today
Betrayal has already taken enough from you.
It has perhaps already taken:
Trust
Peace.
Years you can never get back.
Joy
Self-confidence, or your sense of value.
Don’t let it steal today too.
I’m not saying you should pretend everything is fine. You need to grieve and keep working toward healing, even though that can be hard. I’m not saying things won’t still be difficult.
I simply mean: Refuse to let betrayal become the only thing you experience today.
Today can still hold:
God’s presence.
Beauty.
Joy and laughter.
Meaningful conversations.
Healthy growth.
Rest.
Those moments might not take away your pain, but they remind you that pain isn’t your whole story.
You are more than this betrayal!
You are more than the fear and lies in your mind.
More than your husband's choices.
More than your fears.
More than the unanswered questions that still haunt you.
You are still God's beloved daughter.
It might sound strange, but you need to fight for today.
Not tomorrow.
Today.
Fight the lies, the oppression, the depression, the discouragement, the disappointments, and the fears as they come up. Don’t let them settle in and take over your day.
We can't always choose the thoughts that knock on the door of our minds, but with God's help, we can choose whether we invite them to stay.
A Better Way to Begin Each Day
I’ve noticed that the question we choose in the morning impacts our day.
Survival gets up and asks,
“How do I make it through today?”
Wisdom asks,
“Lord, how do You want me to live today?”
Those are very different questions. What if God calls you to rest or something that delights your soul and reminds you of who you want to be?
Maybe today He invites you:
to rest instead of striving
to call a trusted friend
to journal instead of replaying another conversation in your mind.
to set one healthy boundary.
to take a walk, enjoy a sunset, sit on the ground and enjoy nature.
laugh with your child or grandchildren
to simply sit quietly with a cup of coffee and remember that He is still with you.
None of these things erase betrayal, but they remind you that God is still giving you life to live today. Thank Him for this gift, and let Him show you how today can be better.
One Trusting Step
There is profound wisdom in taking life one day at a time, but there is a world of difference between intentionally living today…and merely surviving until tomorrow.
If you recognize yourself in these words, please don’t hear condemnation.
Hear an invitation.
An invitation to notice what betrayal has slowly been stealing.
An invitation to become curious about the expectations you’ve quietly lowered.
An invitation to stop measuring the quality of your day by your husband’s choices.
You may never receive every answer you’ve hoped for.
You certainly cannot control someone else’s growth, and you have to accept that. It’s God’s work.
But with God’s help, you can reclaim today. Today is still a gift God has placed in your hands. It is yours to steward.
Ask Him for your next trusting step.
Then take it.